Journey Home: Dreaming Again, Again

When my son and I started this journey, and the men of the men’s prayer group saying that they would support me, I was encouraged. I could tell that they were prepared to give me their best. One man, said that this was the time for praying in boldness, and I heard the Lord’s heart in that statement. And I prayed that He would show me the house that week. That was 3 and a half months ago.

I do believe that I was led to a house. It was very close to a park that I love. It was on an acre of land. It had a 2 story garage, and a 2 story barn. The second stories were set up for “bonus” rooms, or event rooms. My son started talking of putting a small bar in the 2nd story of the barn, and a railing around the deck that protruded from the 2nd story. There was a nice patio which was pretty private, where I could have coffee and journal. It had lots of stone and wood beams on the inside. But soon, my son started talking about a second property that he could hunt on. The property that he identified was not ideal for hunting, and the house was pretty run down. Then the house, that had been on the market for 8 months sold.

So he prayed and felt the Lord saying that he wasn’t dreaming big enough. He found a 34 acre property with a pond, and even though it was minutes from town, the pictures included a couple of bucks challenging each other in a meadow. This was it. For me, it had a screened in porch, a place for journaling and writing. It had a beautiful kitchen, and a “bonus room” on a track like a barn door, that my son said could be a music room. Yes. Music is soothing and healing to him. That would be wonderful to have a place for all of his instruments to be displayed, and to have a nice sound system. a couple of music stands. And, it hadn’t sold either. But, it was four times the price of the one acre property, and was listed at over a million dollars.

One other thing as my son and I have talked was his desire to decorate his room. We have lived in apartments since his mom and I divorced 21 years ago. At apartments, there are only so many modifications that you can do.

The first few years were purely practical. Plus, smaller was better, because I was working a full time salary job that frequently required overtime. Keeping things picked up for a pre-K to first grader was not easy. Then she sold our old house, and bought one nearer her off again, on again boyfriend. She married him, and he sold his condo, and moved into her house. He was controlling. From my perspective, so was she. Our son says that we both struggle with control. She was also very particular in terms of “her” house, so my son never stood a chance.

I should say that he also didn’t stand a chance with me, either. I grew up as the child of depression era parents, so I didn’t get rid of things easily. Also, my ex let me take most of the tools, as she knew that I could use them, and some of them were inherited from my dad. I am thankful that she was considerate in the midst of her considerable pain. So, my apartment had all of the things needed for school project. It was cramped and cluttered.

It only got to its current “hoarders” state, after my ex sold her house, and told him that he had to go through his stuff, and get rid of what he didn’t need a few weeks before he went off to college. So we have his college things and the things that were his from his mom’s house, in our 2 bedroom apartment, with a basement so moldy that nothing stored there except gallons of bleach would survive long.

So I want him to decorate his room in the new house. More than that, I want him to have a house that he and his future wife can “nest” in. My prayers are that he could find a godly young woman who loves making a home, but very much wants her husband to be a part of that adventure of making a home. He has no vision for that now. I think that he saw my fear of women. And the closest example of women was his mom. But, I saw in the early days of life with his mom a glimpse of what it might be to do things together.

This is where it has gotten tricky. The Lord redirected the focus of my prayers from house, to home. House, itself requires faith. Where will the money come from? Home implies women being a part of it. And that requires much more faith. I transitioned from fear of women to just the difficulty of finding women that I wanted to be more than friends with.

I have longed for the balance that a wife can bring. It is hard talking things over and out with myself and God. I miss the playfulness that can come with a woman. I miss the challenges to be a better man, His man, as well. And, the book of Ecclesiastes, lists more (Ecc 4:9-12). When I was younger, things seemed different. Back then, I wanted a woman who was playful, attractive, and not contentious. Just before my son’s mom and I became acquainted, I added that I wanted Him to lead me on that path, and actually choose the woman for me. Those are, in many ways, still my desires.

But, in my mid-60s, women like that seem very hard to find. As for my son, godly young women seem hard to find too. And today’s “dating” norms are just sad, as are conversation norms as well. So this has raised “impossible” to the nth power. And, again I think of Gideon, and the Lord reducing the number of men that he had to go up against the Midianites twice, when they were badly outnumbered to begin with. (Jdg 7:1-11)

So, Friday night, I was looking on Zillow again. I figured that some house might pop out, and I was checking the ones which did seem to have a lot of “dream” components to see if they had sold. Then I remembered a 2000 acre island in Lake Ontario that Sotheby’s had for sale. The house seemed run down. And it featured a runway, so I wasn’t sure if that was the only means of access. But it would be private. So I went to Sotheby’s again. Most of the houses of the rich and famous leave me cold. But as I was searching, I ran across a listing for Savannah Dhu, a 4000 acre estate in upstate New York.

When my son watched the video of Sotheby’s regarding Savannah Dhu, he began to dream again. I even had the faith to buy a Powerball, and MegaMillions lottery ticket, hoping that the Lord might actually provide this for us.

But, honestly, I was a little afraid. Well, more than a little. After a day, my son was also a little afraid. “What if we got the money to buy it, but not the money to maintain it” was his fear.

My fear was more Prov 30:8-9

“Give me neither poverty nor riches; Feed me with the food that is my portion, That I not be full and deny You and say, “Who is the LORD?”
Or that I not be in want and steal, And profane the name of my God.”

Wealth is a tricky thing. Significant wealth, as far as I know, will either drive you into God’s presence for wisdom, or make you flee from His presence afraid of what He will ask you to do with the wealth.

So, I have purchased Powerball and MegaMillions tickets for my son. I don’t know for sure if God might not be giving him the faith to persevere in the Savannah Dhu vision. For all my appreciation for its beauty, I don’t have faith yet for it. I am inspired. The 20 heated collaboration spaces / luxury hunting stands are something that I would like to put on a smaller (only 250 acres) that is closer to home, and a fraction of the price. I do have other things that I would do with the property. A screened in porch. A couple of guest houses. A covered, heated walkway from the garages to the house. Another house that my son could custom build to his liking (he would like a fireplace in the master bath.) I might just do the same, build a house that is more to my liking, with urinals in every bathroom. 😉 So, currently, the state lotto would be sufficient for that.