I owe you an apology for the sparsity of this blog. The intention was to chronicle how we can interact with Jesus, day by day. So there is going to be some context missing, but let’s just say the main reason that I sometimes have difficulty recognizing the interactions that I have with Jesus day by day, is that I would rather lean on my own understanding is Proverbs 3:5 puts it. But the Lord has put me in situations where my own understanding.
This week, I asked for men in a men’s group to listen to Jesus for me, after I had described a number of problems. One man said that for my problems, Jesus was a friend who was closer than a brother. So for the mechanical problems with the car and truck, I had a close friend who was the world’s best mechanic. And for the job problems, and focus problems, I had a close friend who was the world’s best counselor and coach. And for financial problems, I had a close friend who was the world’s best financial counselor. All those things really touched me in a way that is hard to describe. But, I imagined someone who was really on my side.
For a lot of reasons, I didn’t believe that I had many friends growing up. But, somehow, ministering directly to my right hemisphere of my brain and limbic system, Jesus has planted what real friendship looks like. And He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.
At a Zoom men’s group meeting yesterday, a man mentioned that Jesus had gotten him up in the middle of the night. He left his bed to go out and sit with Jesus. He was expecting some revelation or assignment or something, but Jesus just wanted to sit with him and spend time with him.
“My own understanding” pretty much had me convinced that people only wanted to be with me if I could do something for them. And that is the reason that I couldn’t understand some of the behavior of young girls, daughters of friends, who talked about and actually wanted to do everything with their BFF. One even went so far as ask for a bed for Rachel (her BFF) in her new bedroom, as her parents were putting an addition on their house. It was genuine. It touched me, but I didn’t understand it. Just like I didn’t understand BFFs in general.
So, to my amazement, when I awoke today, Jesus said “What shall We do today”. I was still tired, from a 7 hour restless night, so I chose going back to sleep for another hour and a half. When I awoke the second time, it was the same question. He was anxious to do things with me. Umm. Shower, and then do laundry? Then make some breakfast?
I was where my friend from the Zoom meeting was. But, I was more afraid that He might have a rebuke or correction. I was also afraid that He might call me to some impossible task that would take more faith than I had, and involved Him. Or that He was going to reveal something to me, and that I would probably feel really slow or stupid for not figuring that out, or maybe for not remembering that He had taught me that already. Do you hear the current of fear here?
The other thing was, what was really on my heart was something selfish and indulgent. He has got to know that and condemn it.
But, He just wanted to be with me. In my indulgence, doing my laundry, taking my shower, making breakfast. Wierd right?
No, it isn’t. Unfamiliar.
Heb 13:5 says
For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (NKJV)
Echoing Deuteronomy 31:6, 8; and Joshua 1:5
But, what I had not thought about was what is His attitude towards me in the midst of Jesus being with me?
I imagine that there is a lot of putting up with me. Tolerating me. Being grieved over choices that I made. Being irritated a what He will have to do to drag me back onto the path. Being grieved at how I have hurt or deprived others with sinful or self-centered choices.
Can you hear the “not enough” and the preparation for rejection (that never really lessens the sting, just lessens the life that I could have had, if I had entered in fully)?
Realizing that Jesus can feel sorrow and grief and disappointment, and even anger, while holding other emotions too. I asked Him how He felt when He is with me. He allowed that He can hold sorrow and grief and disappointment, and even pain and anger, but the main thing that He holds is confidence. If Paul can say in Phl 1:6
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (NASB)
How much more confident is Jesus than Paul?
Is there delight in that confidence? Yes. He knows how we will turn out in the end. Yes, but does that translate to delight now? If I was going with a friend to see their brand new home, or if I was best man, and was with my best friend going to his wedding to a wonderful young woman, would I delight with him, even though the journey isn’t finished? Even if we were changing the tire on the car on the way to the wedding? Even if he forgot to put gas in the car? Yes. I would delight in him, as well as, his future and hope.
Is it only because Jesus knows that He will “win” with us in the end, finishing the good work that He started? I believe that it is more. I believe that there is room for us to grab our free will (and own understanding) so hard that we may be missing treasures that were possible to lay up for ourselves in heaven. He may grieve that slightly. But His heart seems to be “I love you. I want to be with you.” And that translates to the here and now.
Jesus Day by Day 