I was going to start this with “Today was a weird day”, but that is a judgement. It is better to praise God. Praise God that He is good, that He has a playfulness sometimes, and He really knows how to take us to a place where leaning on our own understanding is absurd.
Today, I took stock of things, financially, healthwise, situationally, emotionally, relationally, Not nearly what I think that I need. My reserves are so low. Some seem to have been bone dry for some time.
I was about to take my son’s truck to the repair shop to see if they can fix why it doesn’t start without prayer. It started after trying a lot of times trying unsuccessfully, and then praying. If you wonder why I don’t just pray first, there are a couple of reasons. One thing is that my prayer includes some unbelief. I have asked Him to fix the truck (the only vehicle running at the moment, the car has a bad battery, a short which has been draining the battery, an aftermarket HID headlight that is out, and a handbrake which is attached, but is not working). I work from home, but my son needs reliable transportation for work, and relationship building.
And it is getting cold. We moved 2 months ago to the middle of Wisconsin, with me not knowing a single soul, and my son knowing 2 or 3 friends from Internet streaming, but that was it. But, the place that we moved to is beautiful, and the Lord had a plan, an arduous plan for that as well. We are on a 63 acre lake, and it is mostly frozen over already. So, a vehicle breaking down in the middle of nowhere, with no friends to call on, is dangerous. In fact, the reason that I took the truck to a mechanic today was because the Lord impressed on me that it was dangerous to leave it in that condition.
In any case, it started after a couple of prayers. Then as I was driving out of the driveway, past the garage, I wondered if I should take the winter tires and rims and put them in the back of the truck. And part of that was “am I risking anything healthwise?” I am about 69 1/2, very overweight and I am concerned about my cardiovascular health, as I start breathing heavy after mild exertion.
I am a single dad, so I am used to figuring out how to do things alone. So the long and short of it was that a car ramp was involved and some lifting. I had to stop the truck to get the key out, so that I could unlock the tailgate, and when I got everything loaded, I got back in and it wouldn’t start. I prayed again and it wouldn’t start. Then I looked down. The truck was in drive. I shifted it to park, and it started right up. Curious. If it was in drive, why didn’t the truck move when I was loading the tires (it was running, with the 4 way flashers on). But, it wouldn’t start unless it was in park or neutral.
I mentioned that to the mechanic when I had gotten to the shop, because a couple of months ago, a repair shop had replaced the brake sensor, and Park interlock assembly that does not allow you to shift the running truck out of Park, unless your foot is on the brake. I asked if there is a sensor at the Park position, and if the sensor was bad or out of position, then would that potentially cause the intermittent starting problem? He said that was a possibility.
I also explained that I only had so much that I could spend on it ($390 maximum), knowing that it would either be believed or not, and adding how close that I was to card maximums, and how my retirement account is in the single digits, would actually be less believable. No one in their right mind would operate on margins so small.
In a way that is true. The Lord is working on lies and distortions in my ability to relate (to Him and to others), primarily in my right brain, and limbic system. So I take off for the shop, not knowing anyone in town yet that I can call for a ride, and not knowing how to get home, except that I have $60 on a credit card that is for food until the 15th. And I don’t know if Lyft or Uber operates in a town of 6,000 in the middle of a county of 51,000. But, I pray and make the call. Lyft can’t schedule me. But Uber does. And in 12 minutes, I find that the Uber driver is local, but often gets calls for the larger cities that are 40 minutes away. He was about to turn his system off and eat dinner when the call came in. So, I get home, for about $25. And, I don’t know what tomorrow holds, including getting back to the garage to hopefully pick up the truck.
An intercessor acquaintance sends me an email, that he is praying for me. And includes a scripture,
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 43:5 NIV).
I was about to say what I said here, in replying to his email, and as I am writing, the Lord draws my attention to the fact that I am smiling.
Then I remember the sword fight between Wesley and Inego in the movie Princess Bride, where Inego admits to Wesley that Wesley is better than he is, and Wesley asks why he is smiling. Inego responds that he knows something that Wesley doesn’t know. That he is not left handed.
I need to remember that I am not left-handed, I can ask for grace and love, to go so far beyond the walls that have been set up. Yes, I am asking that the mechanic will find the problem quickly, and I could ask him to put the winter rims/tires on, and it also needs and alignment, and that it would all fit into the $390, and that we would be able to live on soup and pasta, and Lean Cuisine until the next paycheck. And maybe, some amazing other things that I don’t know about.
I visited YouTube to make sure that I had the dialog right in Princess Bride, and there is another video there, that I am led to. And, it too has made me think about my situation. In some ways, it seems affirming.
Ain’t He (the Lord) grand!
Jesus Day by Day 