Facing Fear, … And Selfishness, … And Arrogance

These are times which try men’s souls, including mine.

Some of the progress of the Covid-19 pandemic matches some of what Holy Spirit has indicated to me. Bigger than His gifts to us, that have become false gods.

But those are “big picture” directions. And, honestly, I don’t know who they are for. Prophets are supposed to be the ones that see “big picture” and future things, as well as expressing His heart. It is true that He gave me insight into His heart. Jesus knows what it is to be human (Heb 4:15-16). He represents us in the covenant that He established with The Father. And, He informs The Father, and intercedes for us, while seated at the right hand of The Father. (Heb 7:25)

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Heb 4:15-16 NASB)

But, my actions, and the temptations don’t suggest confidence.

I see things are going to stretch out for a while. I see things starting to come unglued, like the food supply chain. Crops left to rot in the fields, because no one is buying because the restaurants are closed. I am convinced that we are coming out of the first phase of grief, denial. Anger is next. Maybe famine.

And, if I am completely honest, some of the anger will be mine. Do I think that the millionaires will have problems getting food? No. They may pay through the nose, so to speak, but they have big noses. And I am jealous.

Let’s follow that. I am jealous, because … I am not as independent of God as they are!?! Not as independent, more like able to shield myself from His call to suffer.

But, really, the “big picture” that I see is full of His grace. People being raised up in churches to do some very unchurchy things, like being His instruments to heal, physically, and emotionally, and the broken hearted. To call people into intimacy with Him. To show His love (in fact all of the fruit of Holy Spirit) to a world hungry for true love, real joy, amazing peace, simple patience, warm kindness, true gentleness, and supernatural, and yet simple self-control.

He is going to be right here for us. We don’t have to have any special qualifications, just the ability to to receive that He gives us (grace). We don’t need a record. We don’t need an education. We don’t need to have the bible memorized. We just need to believe in His name, Jesus, “God is Salvation”.

It is going to be like it was described in 1 Cor 12:5-11. (I love verse 7 … each one. Everybody!!!


So, with all the things that I see coming, why, oh, why do I want to plan like He isn’t going to be there for me.

He has led me to pray for a return of manna on the earth, so that the disrupted food supply chain would not cause the poor to stumble.


What do I want to order? It makes no sense, but dishwasher detergent. There are other things too. I would like some liquor. Something nice, and smooth. But I read about refugees that have no food, and boil garbage to make soup. I want the liquor. But, I know if I was in their place, and somebody was drinking away what would have fed my family for 2 months, I would be angry, and heartbroken.

I have to look, and it is strange. God wants me to enjoy good things. Many desirable things, I have no desire for, like caviar. But others I do, like land, and a dog, and family get togethers. I have never experienced fleeing as a family. I have suffered some things, like arrogant and mean managers. I have been afraid for most of my life, one thing after another. But, have I deeply suffered to the extent that self-comforts would not relieve the pain, at least for a while? No.

And maybe this is the bottom line for me. God is good. I have no doubt. And He loves me. Again, no doubt. But there is one thing that I crave and have not experienced that much, and that is the comfort of Holy Spirit. I eat for comfort, and energy. I look like it too. I am morbidly obese. What would it be like to turn to Him consistently for comfort, and get the rest that this near retirement age body needs? I need grace.