My Healing Journey

This blog is about how I learned that God is still healing today. I know some people who don’t believe in it. And that makes me sad, because it is an opportunity for a much more direct connection. From a woman who God had healed, and then sent out to teach that healing ministries were intended to be part of “one another’ing”, nobody special. There were some things that God taught her as she went, and she tried to pass those things on to me in the few times that she came to our church (not just me, but I was initially in the audience, and came to know her).

One of the things that she said was when she went to teach in the poorer countries, where they knew that they needed God, healing was easier. A friend of mine had a slowly progressing chronic, life shortening disease, and he was healed by her. But then again, he was poorer too. Too often what people do when they say that it was for a different time, is they ignore the evidence coming out of those poorer regions of the world. I have heard that God gave us medicine, and I heartily agree. I also agree that He is God, and it should be His choice how He chooses to have mercy and heal us.

One other thing that she taught us is that sometimes God would give her the symptoms as a start, so she knew what to pray for. Pain in the back. Shooting pains here or there. Something that you can’t do. I have experienced that to a much more limited degree. I knew when my brother-in-law died. I felt his panic, which hit me out of the blue. I had been praying for him, from across the country.

So let me say two things, in case you think that I am a saint, in the spiritual giant sense. I am not. I have prayed for a few people and they have been healed. I have prayed for others and they have not. I feel that this is more like finals week in college, you know it or you don’t, and a lot is riding on knowing it. But, the analogy is is a poor one. Healing isn’t an “it” to know. Healing comes from listening to The Father’s heart, and Jesus’ intercession, and acting by following Holy Spirit. Healing is all about relationship, and intimacy with God. And I am afraid that I will be found wanting.

Every time I go to the grocery store, or the pharmacy, or the brothel, I am afraid. I slipped the brothel in just to see if you were paying attention. I pray, in tongues, and with understanding that fear is something that God does not intend for my life, and I can ask that He would love me out of it (1 Jn 4:18). Still, I find myself picking up something that I don’t need right now, here and there. I feel that I am feeling the fear of a lot of people, maybe that don’t know God, or don’t know that He will respond to their fear, gently, kindly, lovingly, and patiently. I am designed to carry those fears to God, and ask on the behalf of those carrying fear for grace, mercy, and love.

This week, I stepped boldly in to pray for a man that I knew, but didn’t know how much I loved him. He really wore Christ’s image well, and very humbly. I didn’t find out until he was already in the ICU. I listened as best I could. Prayed as a son. Felt hope. But, honestly, I pray much the same way on the intercessory prayer team, which meets monthly, and though we will pray for anyone we meet after church, it is rarely hands-on. I enjoy my awareness of God’s presence in those times. And I did as I prayed for my friend.

He died the next day.

I immediately went into self-examination (and self-recrimination) mode. What did I do wrong. Was I wrong to pray as I did? I knew that it couldn’t be that easy.

Then Holy Spirit reminded me of how many people Heidi Baker prayed for before she saw her first healing (In Birthing the Miraculous). I remember Francis Chan, and his farewell message to his church before he moved with his family to Thailand (on YouTube). He talks about God changing his mind about healing (coming to believe that God still can supernaturally heal today), and receiving the faith to pray for healing. And being a participant in God touching the person.

Do I want that so that I can prove that I am a spiritual giant in the making? I have to admit that at one point in my journey I did. I was so insecure. I don’t know how much I have been loved out of my fears, but He has been at work for 20+ years on it (Phl 1:6).

Now, I just feel His heart. So many people are afraid. Ordinary moms and dads. Grandmas and Grandpas. The couple in their 80s across the hall. Homeless people. People in prison. People in the hospital for other things. Hospital housekeeping personnel. Doctors and nurses. People who work in the morgue, or who transport loved ones home. People in countries lacking pretty much everything, including medical resources. Moms and dads of young adults that are choosing to make some of their first life and death decisions, away from home.

I feel God’s mercy in this. I ask Him to send people who He gives faith to for healing others. I asked that they would be raised up in China. I am asking for India, Pakistan, Asia, Africa, South America, and in Europe, and North America. My heart breaks in different ways. My heart breaks for the poor. In western countries where so much hoarding was going on, I prayed that he would send manna to the poor and the homeless. Yes, the real bread of heaven, that I haven’t heard of being seen in a few millennium.

I want people to see how good He is, and how much He cares. I want to throw off the limitations that I was taught in religion (and in which I hid). I want to walk boldly with my God.

Resource: Some people who God has gotten a hold of for healing, and for sharing His love.

Francis Chan:

Heidi Baker + :