Tonight, I was doing practice work for the Identity Exchange Catalyst program. Really, I wasn’t doing it yet. I was watching as one man read the script on Forgiveness to minister to the other man. I was the intercessor, and observer. I understood the script, but I didn’t know it, really know it. I thought and felt like a failure. That I would never have everything that was there on the inside of me, so that I could do it without an example sitting in front of me.
But, I saw Jesus work through the generosity of His own heart, and the willingness of the two men.
I thought of when I would do it. In the practice, yet to come. And beyond that, in retirement, as God opened the door. I came to the conclusion “Who cares if it is pretty?” if The Father’s heart is exposed to people. And healing, health, peace, and love came in.
Words that I had spoken many times, and one particular memory came to mind. “Crude but effective” were the words. The memory was of a time when I had volunteered to pick up nametags for men, for a men’s meeting which several churches had gone together for. I realized that I had forgotten to get them late the night before the meeting. The local grocery store, Wegmans, was pretty amazing in what they carried. And I got there early the next morning. But though they had pens, markers, and post-it notes, they didn’t have name tags. But they did have 2 inch wide masking tape. So I got several rolls of the masking tape and some markers, and went to the meeting.
Crude but effective. I caught some looks from the men that I had failed. I was careless, and I had failed. Then the Lord gave me a different perspective, through a man who tore off 16 inches of the tape and started writing his very long full name. “This is the stuff”, he said. “People can finally read my name. ” “I don’t have to write in tiny unreadable letters on those name tags designed for Dave Smith.” He thanked me. He wore his name in big letters on the tape across his chest.
It wasn’t a big revelation. But it was a start. I beat myself up some for my error. I also felt uncomfortable, that if I had done it the way that I had planned, then I would have denied that man the freedom of having his name easily known.
So, I did the practice in both the receiver’s role, and the facilitator’s role. I was pretty solidly in the “it doesn’t have to be pretty” camp as I started the facilitator’s role. But, along the way, listening to Holy Spirit, as well as, to the receiver, some things came up that weren’t on the script, and weren’t anything that I had been taught by Identity Exchange. I followed those minor adjustments, initially trying to identify where I had learned them. But, eventually, I realized that I was learning to surrender to God in this context. I was learning to make Him happy by following His lead. I finally let go, trusting that He will train me. He knows how to bring me back when I step off the path.
I didn’t need to care about how it looked. I just needed to keep my eyes on Him.
I asked Hiim “Jesus, are You crude but effective?” Something in me did not want Him to be crude. But, then He impressed on me that
- I don’t have language that describes something that looks both haphazardly and is of incredible beauty, complexity, and efficacy.
- His view of me has elements of incredible beauty, complexity, and efficacy, but I am also a deeply loved, carefully crafted, limited edition. So why would I expect that His working through me wouldn’t also be shaped by who He made me to be.
